Company: Po Campo

Style Name: Streeterville Clutch

Highlights: Fashionable AND Functional, Adjustable clips for attachment to strollers, bikes, etc., Multiple color choices, Water/fade resistant fabrics, Detachable matching coin pouch, Convenient outer pocket

Potential Setbacks: One hand/arm has to be used for clutch once clips are detached from stroller, bike, etc. (no shoulder strap)

For more information on the Fits Cute Seal of Love, click here.

Company: b.tempt’d by Wacoal

Style Name: Lace Kiss Bralette

Highlights: NO UNDERWIRE, Sexy AND Comfortable, Adjustable Straps, Numerous matching underwear options, Multiple color choices

Potential Setbacks: Bra slips over the head, Feel of lace

For more information on the Fits Cute Seal of Love, click here.

It has taken me a long time to learn what it means for me to define my own style. I spent a lot of years regularly purging my closet in conjunction with my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual growth to get to where I am at. I have let go of tons of clothes through this process – often only owning clothes from the past year or two. I am sure donation bins love me.

When I reach an expanded state on the inside, I want my clothes on the outside to reflect the parts of me that have grown. If they do not fit with where I am at, I let them go. I also believe clothes contain an energy and memory from when I owned them, and if the memory is not pleasing or is something I know I want to upgrade, I let those items go, too. For example, I never keep items from ex-boyfriends, no matter how good an item is. I want to leave room for an even better relationship going forward.

My first major purge was seven years ago when I hit rock bottom. I let go of almost all my clothes and bought clothes to fit my weight at the time. My life before that was very unhealthy. The memories were too much and I wanted to accept where I was at. This was at a time when I first opened up about my past and I was full of shame. I needed all the help I could get to not be reminded regularly of what I had allowed myself to experience. It was enough that I was talking about it. The benefit I got from doing this was losing my excess weight and I have not gained it back since.

Once I lost the weight, I started to get courageous and I went through a stage where I was wearing fitted clothes. No more baggy sweatshirts, t-shirts, and shorts for me when I go to the gym. I still can remember the first class I went to at the gym in fitted yoga pants. I was so excited! I never had worn them before even when I was younger and thin. Those gray pants with a yellow stripe down the sides of the legs will never be forgotten.

Next, I learned to appreciate my feminine side – pink and lace became viable options and I taught myself how to walk in high heels and that it’s OK to let go of the ‘grannie panties’. Until then, I swore to myself that I hated pink, hearts, and most things that screamed ‘girly!’, but realized eventually that it was a reflection of me not being comfortable with my feminine side. A large part of my closet became pink and I felt very proud walking in stilettos and feeling comfortable in sexy underwear.

Next a friend exposed me to buying more expensive clothes. Before that I ALWAYS shopped sales and less expensive stores. I learned the benefit of paying for quality instead of quantity. I used to be over the top frugal. I figured out that it was OK to sometimes buy shoes and $100 jeans at stores like Nordstrom. They do fit better and I feel better when I wear them. I started to learn how to dress with style and elegance.

After that I got so into my healing and spirituality that all I wanted to wear was comfortable clothes. I was going through a vulnerable time in my life and opening up even more, so my clothes became a tool for me. Soft sweatshirts and fabrics felt like wearable blankets. Comfortable, flat shoes helped me feel the support of the ground. Smart clothing choices helped me feel safe in the world when I felt so vulnerable. I also started to spend a lot of time in nature – and found it to be very healing. I shopped at stores like REI, wanting clothes that fit me as an outdoor, spiritual chic. My clothes in this stage were not very flattering, but I was definitely comfortable.

Then before my most recent purge, I finally opened myself up to wearing clothes that fit my body type and helped me feel fashionable again. Skirts above the knees instead of below, shorter jackets that show off my waist, wearing skinny pants, etc. Details I had not paid attention to before were now giving me a more flashy look. However, I started to forget about some of what had worked for me before, such as being comfortable, embracing my spirituality, etc., while I was enjoying looking good. Bad idea!

Finally, after all this time and effort to get to where I am at now and through experimentation, I have gotten a pretty good understanding of what types of clothes work best for me. My most recent purge finally feels like an integration of everything I have learned over the past seven years. I much prefer having the freedom of all the style options open to me, and being creative by integrating them all to create my own style.

Now I will wear stilettos, but only for special occasions. I continue to wear sweatshirts, but only if they feel feminine. I shop at Target, but also Nordstrom. It all depends on what I am looking for. I still am a nature girl, but you are not going to catch me in earth tones. They do not represent me. I much prefer silver, gray, and black. I am going to be comfortable, but still feel youthful. I can show my skin and wear sexy underwear but only when I feel like it. In other words, I am open to defining my own style and I take the time to find the clothes that fit me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually where I am at now. It is an ongoing work in process, but I very much enjoy the journey!

A reader reached out to me recently wondering if when I use the word “trauma” when I write, if I actually mean abuse. While many people could perceive what I have experienced in my past as abuse, I much prefer to call it trauma. To me, it feels more empowering.

Don’t get me wrong, there was a time in my past when I would have referred to what I experienced as abuse. I felt a lot of shame, and I felt tainted – as if there were something wrong with me. At that time, I felt the need to blame someone for the way my life was going. I was miserable, and I thought that everything in my past was the cause of it. I often thought “If only none of it had happened to me, then I would feel OK. If none of it happened, I would be normal.” Calling it abuse was just a way out for me. It was much easier to place the blame for my misery and the responsibility of my life on the people who “abused” me. However, I eventually came to the realization that looking at my life in this way was disempowering.

Now that I have a new perspective, calling it trauma, for me, is much more fitting. It feels more like a record of facts than something to be ashamed of. In those moments in time, I lacked confidence and did not have the ability to deal with certain situations. I believe the same was probably also the case for the so-called “abusers”. Who has the right to say what makes either one of us to blame? If I had the confidence at the time, the situation would not have happened, I would have known how to walk away. This perspective makes it feel like something that, while no one wants it to, happened and is resolvable. I am not tainted, and there is nothing to be ashamed about. I merely did not have the skills to deal with certain situations – situations that I now know can be healed and new skills can be learned.

I believe that no matter whether trauma is physical, sexual, emotional or mental, it can all be dealt with. For example, if I had broken my arm, I would have gone to the doctor and they would have put a cast on it to support my arm until it healed. I might have had a scar,  it might have taken some time to heal, I might have a little less function in my arm, but it would not have stopped me from having a fulfilling life. I look at the sexual, emotional, and mental trauma from my past much in the same way. I have since found people to support me in healing my past experiences and have learned the skills I need to have so that it does not happen again. I may have a memory of something not so pleasing, I may have a quirky personality, it may have taken time to heal, but it does not stop me from having a fulfilling life. There is nothing wrong with me.

Some of my most beautiful qualities have come from overcoming the experiences in my past. One of these is that I have a lot of compassion. Having experienced what I have, I have a deep understanding of what it is to go through experiences that much of the world does not, I believe that they can be overcome, and I appreciate the sometimes quirky personality traits that result from traumatic experiences. Another quality, and probably my favorite, is my excitement for life. I feel like a grown-up kid on a regular basis. When I feel myself handling a situation with maturity and confidence, I often feel as if I have won a million dollars, or something as equally fabulous. Many moments of my every day life feel like miracles because I never imagined that I could live a life with this much confidence and grace.

This year has been the most amazing year of my life. I feel as though I have finally grown up and found myself! I no longer feel the need to try and fit in and do what everyone else is doing; I have learned how to decide for myself what brings me joy. Now, success has a whole new meaning for me.

Some people’s understanding of success is defined mostly by what is on their schedule, how much they own, how they compare to the people around them, what they can put on their resume, and so on. I used to subscribe to that definition and allowed it to destroy me for many years. But no more! This year I am experiencing success on my terms.

Below are the many ways my life has been full of joy this year, making it the most successful year of my life (so far):

1. I adore clothes and I love experimenting with them. Clothes and beauty are a source of joy for me, especially when my external expression and my internal experience are both in alignment. In the past, I allowed myself to give power to the opinion of others that if I put a lot of effort and passion into my wardrobe it was considered materialistic and shallow. I have now, finally, given myself permission to enjoy my clothes. In fact, I enjoy clothes in such a way that it becomes a work of art for me – a source of full self-expression. I have realized that my wardrobe is a wonderful way to express my evolving style and I need no one else’s permission to enjoy it.

2. My spiritual life is flourishing! I live for deep connection and I have felt more connected to myself this year than ever before. Connecting to my own energy at a deeper level has been a source of much guidance for me. By paying attention to what my energy is telling me, I have overcome more mental garbage this year, and at a faster pace than I would ever have in the past. I appreciate this growing part of myself and I am learning to trust it. As a significant and direct result of this, I have closer friends than I ever thought possible, some new and some old, all with a deeper connection. I am operating from a more natural, loving space and the world around me is responding and supporting me. And let me tell you, it feels good!

3. I enjoyed sex this year more than any year before. It is one of my favorite benefits of letting go of mental garbage. As difficult as it was at first, I decided to open up and start talking about it. As someone that has overcome sexual trauma, I know on an intimate level how much joy sex can bring when it is treated as a sacred act. I can still remember the time when just being able to say the word “SEX” was a miracle. It upsets me how much our culture does not give sex the respect it deserves. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to enjoy sex in this lifetime and want to help evolve the sexual conversation within our culture.

4. Last but definitely not least, I have learned how to deal with negativity – on MY terms and when I am ready. As a recovering conflict avoider, this is big stuff. I get so excited when I notice that someone is not agreeing with me or is judging me, and it does not bother me. At times, I walk away from an argument because it is not worth my energy, other times I sense when I should hang in there to discuss the situation. There are even some days when I stay home because I know I am not up for dealing with negativity, but that does not mean that I am weak. It means I am strong enough to take responsibility for myself and my feelings. Thank goodness! There are always going to be people who disagree with me. Now, I choose who is worth my time and when and how I want to deal with them.

“Just deal with it” is not in my vocabulary. It is quite often that I come up with ideas of what I want, whether it is clothing, curtains or a beauty product. I get stuck on these ideas and when I can’t find what I have pictured at one store, I keep looking. And when after searching every store in town and the internet and I still haven’t found what I want at a reasonable price, I explore the next option – going into “MacGyver mode” and creating my own product.

This is exactly what I did when I could not find a product to address my extremely dry and sensitive skin. From a young age, I would slather on bottle after bottle of lotion or moisturizer to combat chalky, dry skin and soften elbows, knees, hands and feet. It worked, but during the summer months especially, the lotion felt heavy on my skin and clogged my pores, making me sweat and feel greasy.

Through experimentation and research, I came up with the following recipe and variations for a homemade sugar body scrub. No matter which combination I use, my skin feels wonderfully moisturized and silky smooth without the need for heavy lotion or creams. Using the homemade sugar scrub has lessened skin irritation from shaving, heat rash and acne. It has really been a miracle for my skin.

1 cup cane sugar
2 tablespoons ground sea salt
¼ cup olive oil (or other cold pressed oil)
1 tsp. honey
5-7 drops essential oil of choice – some of my favorites are: a jasmine blend, peppermint or eucalyptus. I have also used Vanilla extract + orange oil, this combination smells just like orange sherbet ice cream!

It’s easy! I simply pour sugar into a bowl, add salt, olive oil, honey and essential oil. Next I combine with a fork until ingredients are mixed and sugar is saturated throughout. Afterwards I transfer the mixture to a plastic container with a lid. (Sugar scrub will keep 1-2 weeks sealed, at room temperature.) If the mixture is too oily, I just add more sugar and vice versa until I have found the perfect formula for my custom, homemade sugar scrub.

I have also substituted ¼ cup ground coffee beans (swapped with ¼ cup sugar) to make an anti-cellulite homemade sugar body scrub. Coffee behaves as a stimulant and is known to detoxify and tighten the skin, minimizing cellulite in problem areas.

I use my sugar body scrub after washing in the shower and while my skin is still moist. I use the sugar scrub from face to toes and exfoliate by scrubbing in a circular motion with medium intensity. Once I am finished, I rinse off the sugar body scrub with warm water to leave my skin silky smooth.

I go to the coffee shop nearly every day for a chai tea and “people time”. There is one young woman who works there named Alex, who always has a smile on her face and brightens my day each and every time I see her. She has a sweet personality, but she also amazes me with her ability to express her style – even while wearing her required barista attire.

The million dollar question I always have when I go to the coffee shop and Alex is working is: “Will she have her red lipstick on?” Lipstick in general may seem like a small thing, but I really believe for Alex, it lets her inner style shine.

I asked Alex one day what the determining factor is for her to wear the red lipstick (she does not wear it every day), and she told me that it depends on what time she has to be to work. I was impressed! This is a woman who knows how to have fun with style, without letting it define her.

One night after work, Alex shared with me the history of her style. Hear from Alex herself on the story of her red lipstick and how it fits with her style in the video below.